TMI Celebrations
Jul. 16th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
While I agree that no celebration is complete without cake, I also think some celebrations should maybe be a bit more private than others:

Please tell me you invited the in-laws.
Ahhh, that sweet, sweet moment when your wife throws you a surprise Vasectomy Recovery party:

I hear if you buy two they throw in the bag of frozen peas for free.
(OH YES I DID.)

I looked it up. It really is a thing. So I have two questions: who are you getting this cake for, and how will that not end badly for you?
Of course, nothing will lead to a round of denials as much as this:

C'mon. Does anyone ever admit to watching this show?
But for the ultimate "I-just-learned-something-I-never-wanted-to-know-about-you" dessert, we have this:

So many puns, so few of them safe for work...
Let's all give a hand to Heather M., Alison K., Laura W., Helen J., & Nicole A. for today's wrecks.
****
Funny story about that last cake: it was commissioned by none other than Mr. Bill Murray during the filming of Moonrise Kingdom as a joke for one of the guys working on set. (Cameron was turning 21.) Nicole worked craft services for the movie, and was responsible for fetching the cake from a local bakery. She tells me Murray also insisted on taking Cameron out for his first drink, and was fantastic to the whole crew, and I am insanely jealous of all of them. :)
Girl Genius for Wednesday, July 16, 2025
Jul. 16th, 2025 04:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
CLEAN UP ON AISLE 4
Jul. 15th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
Too often I've been accused of making you readers hungry with my steady parade of candy-coated misspellings and butchered bakery goods.
Well, NO MORE!
Or at least not for today.
Here, I'll ease you in slowly, in case you're mid coffee-sip:

This is your spleen...or possibly a giant tumor...on cupcakes.
Any questions?
I've been told there are no accidents in life; only learning experiences. If that's true, then we're all about to learn something very important:

Some bakers get sick if you feed them too many mini-marshmallows.
Also, we're not hungry. No, none of us. Now go away. Shoo.
Before you ask, this "cake" was being served at a buffet restaurant, and no, that's not mold:

It just looks like mold. Thereby saving the establishment literally dozens of dollars in their dessert budget, I'm sure. (Reminds me of the restaurant with candy sprinkles on their sushi rolls. Hey... do you think it's the same place?)

I'm not really sure what's happening in there, but it's a safe bet you're not getting your little plastic purse back.
The tag on this next one says, "Freshly made in store by our bakers."

And thank goodness for that! There's just nothing worse than stale vomit from some factory, am I right?
Also...are those...olives? (Deep breaths, Jen...deep...breaths...)
Baker by day, retirement-center barber by night?

EWWWWWWW.
Ok, I just made MYSELF gag. Urg. And no, I don't know what the "hair" is really. Let's just try not to think about it too hard, okay?

Hey, now, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?
Ah, well, don't worry. Someone'll just stick that on the clearance rack later.
You know, once it cools.
Thanks to Rob A., Emily F., Dani S., Andrea & Anne Marie, Mim & Vince, Lisa D., & Regina G. for the uplifting chucking experience. Who's hungry now, bee-yotches? HUH?
*****
For some reason this post is just calling out for butt-themed home decor, don't you agree?

*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

Privacy Settings
Jul. 15th, 2025 11:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
I’m in my early twenties, and I’m looking to start exploring kink further, especially since my hometown is in a metropolitan area with a large kink community. I have no shame or fear about entering kink spaces beyond the typical nerves any beginner might have. I was lucky to be raised by some really awesome … Read More »
The post Privacy Settings appeared first on Dan Savage.
Accidents Will Happen.
Jul. 15th, 2025 11:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
The woman in a married couple that does not want children accidentally got pregnant. This happened once before, and she learned that her husband is against abortion on religious grounds. Should she tell him she will end this pregnancy, or keep it secret from him? Do accidents happen in BDSM? They sure do! Hear the … Read More »
The post Accidents Will Happen. appeared first on Dan Savage.
BEWARE THE CON RATS
Jul. 14th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
Summer is the reward students get for successfully completing another year of educational excellence. Or for partying all year and flunking out. (Nobody said life was fair, kids.)
So while graduation season may be over, I think it's time our bakers had a little summer schoolin'.
Bakers? Welcome to "How-To-Spell-'Congratulations'-101."

I can see it's going to be a long day.
Alright, let's practice: C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-O-N-S. See? Now you try.

I dare you to read that aloud.
("Comgratatum?")
Try again.

G, you shouldn't have.
No, really.
And don't think I'm not on to your latest scheme, bakers. You know, the one where you just pipe a heap of scribbles halfway through the word and hope no one notices?

Cheater.


The best part is how you can still clearly see those last two are misspelled. Next time just chuck some High School Musical flotsam on there.

At this point, even I have forgotten how to spell it. I would "COHGRADULITTE" you, bakers, but I don't think I can handle that level of irony.
Let's try a new approach: just shorten it to "Congrats!" That's easy enough, right?

*sigh*
What is wrong with you people?
For a wild, hopeful second there I thought this had something to do with comic conventions starting up week:

"Watch out for those Con Rats!"
...but then I realized I it was a different kind of "con." Rats.
Well, you've all failed the course, bakers. So, hey, get out there and continue collecting a paycheck for brutalizing the English language! Woo! Yeah!
Oh, and kids? Stay in school. Or don't.
Honestly, your bakery manager probably won't give a con rat's @ss.
Thanks to Nancy H., Jessica E., Julia L., Michelle W., Meghan H., Amanda N., Julie D., Elizabeth B., & Bailey for the pep talk!
*****
P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

Girl Genius for Monday, July 14, 2025
Jul. 14th, 2025 04:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
Sunday Sweets: C'est Bon!
Jul. 13th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
Bonjour, mon amis! Today's sweets are mostly inspired by Marie Antoinette, so you know what that means: Prepare your eyeballs for an over-the-top feast of excessiveness!
(And no, we won't be having any gruesome headless sweets commemorating Marie's rather gruesome end. Sheesh. Get your mind out of the guillotine.)
Yep, it's all decadence and girliness from here on out! And yay for that, because have I mentioned I've been helping my husband Matt at football camp all week? Yes, I've been sharing a house with 25 teenage boys for the last five days. I could use a little girliness up in here.
Fortunately this first beauty is a sight for my pink-deprived eyes:

And how appropriate that it includes a fabulous fondant fan, because I'm already feeling the need to fan myself!

[Swoon!] Such loveliness!
And here's the lady of the hour herself...

By CakeCentral member Lindasuus
...sweetly putting to shame every Barbie-torso-stuffed-in-a-cake ever made.
This one is so absolutely flawless and stunning, I'm convinced it doesn't really exist.

By Cake Coquette (More detail shots at the link)
We've all just collectively dreamed it or something. (We have excellent imaginary taste, you and I!)
Now here's a solution to that pesky problem of how to hide plastic cake pillars: Simply pipe a decorative cage of icing between the tiers for an elaborate camouflaging exoskeleton of awesomeness!

Er, on second thought, you might want to just leave that to the pros.
I thought this Fabergé Egg cake was a winner on its own ... (Seriously, doesn't it look like a 1st place trophy to you? Or is that the football camp talking?)

...but then I scrolled down and realized the egg was only one quarter of the whole cake!

Wow. The layers look like carved marble or porcelain, and I love those unique shapes, too. It's hard to believe the tiers wouldn't shatter when you went to cut a slice!
I think more food should be adorned with edible pink tassels, don't you?

I love this color scheme so much; fun, flirty, and fit for a queen. I bet ol' M.A. would lose her head over it!
Oooh, sorry Marie. Too soon?

Submitted by Anne Marie B. and made by Rosey Confectionary Sugar Art
Oh, don't stare at me with that doleful expression. Turn your attention instead to the amazing miniature dessert table in your boudoir. And hey, is that rug edible too? Incredible.
Here comes another amazing egg cake. I'm not really sure if fancy eggs are a Marie Antoinette thing, but they're both similarly lavish, so it works for me.

Just gorgeous. If I was serving this cake, I don't think I'd let them eat it, youknowwhatI'msayin?
(Like "Let them eat cake?" Marie's famous line? You know? Yes? Never mind.)
This is probably my favorite cake today:

Submitted by Devon C; by Cake Opera Co.
I thought it was Marie masquerading as a... um... masquerader, while holding a kangaroo for fun, but the website informs me that this is actually an 18th century French figurine, masked to conceal her illicit rendezvous, and juxtaposed by the fawn in her arms meant to represent birth and innocence.

So, I was close.
All of these fanciful confections make me want to host a Marie Antoinette party! How about you? Here's a checklist of everything we need:

Powdered wigs, macarons, frilly shoes, masks, more fancy eggs (I guess they really are a thing) tiny top hats, (pretty sure that's NOT a thing, but I'll go with it), and of course, cake!
Does this cake remind you of a hot-air balloon, too?

Submitted by Promise W. and made by Ganache Patisserie
And did you know that the first manned hot-air balloon ride took place in front of Marie Antoinette and the French court? And that it was "manned" by a sheep, a rooster, and a duck?
True story.
Here's another one: this cake is fantastic! Do you see the little movie-scene applique? Too cool.
I'm not sure how inspired by Marie Antoinette this final cake is, but it's incredible. At over three feet tall and almost two feet wide, I'm pretty sure this is the cake they serve you when you die and go to heaven:

Oh, wait. Actually this is the signature cake for the Hilton Hotel in Silver Spring. Which, after a week at football camp, sounds enough like heaven to me.
Happy Sunday!
*****
If today's Sweets are right up your style alley, then I have JUST the tea for you:

This blend is made in France using the roses and apples grown in the Versailles palace garden. Omigosh! If that's not tea fit for royal-tea, I don't know what is. Plus it comes in that gorgeous pink tin. Talk about a perfect gift for any tea-lover.
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sunday Secrets
Jul. 13th, 2025 12:08 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
Sunday Secrets began 20 years ago. This week I did not receive enough postcards to share back. Free your secrets today.



The post Sunday Secrets appeared first on PostSecret.
PostSecret TED Talk
Jul. 13th, 2025 12:02 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
The post PostSecret TED Talk appeared first on PostSecret.
Bakery Math
Jul. 11th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
One ugly 8-inch round flower cake:

$6.00
Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes:





$30.00
Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes plopped on
styrofoam and cardboard stands:


$235.00
The look on the bride's face?

Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy...
but a decent wedding cake isn't one of them.
Thanks to Melinda W., Holley W., Kae B., Liz Q., Meghan F., Nikki G., and Lainey M. who thinks we should start investing in styrofoam and cardboard.
*****
P.S. I found something for the bride who wants to wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something poo:

Don't stop believing, y'all. Dreams do come true.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

Girl Genius for Friday, July 11, 2025
Jul. 11th, 2025 04:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
STRUGGLE SESSION: Chosen Family, Pocket Altar Boys, Muppet-Faced Men and more!
Jul. 10th, 2025 11:55 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
No Struggle Session this week — my summer of dashing around the world to see family continues (next up: chosen family) — but there’s a wonderful conversation unfolding in the comment thread on this week’s column about being non-binary and what binaries need to know about dating non-binaries. (Yes, Alex, there was a master plan!) … Read More »
The post STRUGGLE SESSION: Chosen Family, Pocket Altar Boys, Muppet-Faced Men and more! appeared first on Dan Savage.
Wreck-A-Bye Baby
Jul. 10th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
Sometimes I like to think this blog might have a positive influence on current baking trends. (Oh, stop laughing. A girl can dream.) So, what do you say we mosey on over to a few of our nation's baby showers and see how things are going?

Wonderful!
I mean, sure, "beby" is misspelled, and there's a giant funky headboard thing happening, and the doll is staring at me all creepy-like, but the baby itself is not edible. That's progress, people!

Hey, a lot of those letters are right.
In fact - and feel free to correct me here if I'm wrong - I think "cohgrautions" may be the Canadian spelling.

You might be wondering how many tracts of land they had to search to find these two peas in a pod, or why the baker didn't make the "peas" green. That said, it's not a pregnant torso cake.
Plus it makes me want to start singing "Keep Walking" by the French Peas, so that's a "win" all 'round.
This next one may cause a bit of a flap, but I'll have no truck with such negativity:

After all, nothing drives home the beauty of motherhood quite like a pregnant mudflap girl. Eh? Eh? Am I right?
Well, my friends, I think I've made my point: baby shower cakes are getting better! And all because of me! ME, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!
AHAHAHAAAHAA!!
BAHAHAHAA...
...huh?

AAAAAUUUGGHH!!
[blink blink]
Well.
Back to business as usual, then?
Thanks to Sose K., Krista M., Susan M., Bob S., & Carly A. for dashing my dreams. You cruel, cruel wreckporters, you.
******
P.S. Watch me un-creepify this post by going from creepy baby cakes to baby beef cakes:

The Buff Baby Rattle
This is hilarious. And a real thing! Amazon helpfully suggested I pair it with the "Do You Even Lift?" baby onesie and now I wish I had a weightlifting friend with a baby to give this to.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sex & Politics #40: Jonathan Parks-Ramage
Jul. 10th, 2025 11:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
For this episode of Sex & Politics, Dan chats with novelist Jonathan Parks-Ramage about his new book “It’s Not the End of the World” a dystopian novel with plenty of GAY SEX. Dan and Jonathan talk about how gay romance is often misrepresented in fiction, queer parenting, why kinky men are turned on the “fascist … Read More »
The post Sex & Politics #40: Jonathan Parks-Ramage appeared first on Dan Savage.